The 35th Click. I’ve Got Opinions.
Newark Airport, September 10th, 2011
A few days ago I turned 35. I am traveling to Toronto today for the Toronto International Film Festival – do not be deceived, I am not a ‘jet-setter’ and I average four flights a year except for the years I worked as a fight-promoter and hopped around the country a little more frequently.
I am forced to reckon with my progress in life thus far, having hit a small milestone (as I am believe most of us do from time to time). Having promised myself I would sell everything I own at age 35 and buy a yacht to live on, I am a little behind on that promise. But I am re-reading ‘The Four Hour Work Week’ so I should be back on track pretty soon (insert devilish smile here). Makie said I should write a blog post and offer some of my thoughts on how my recent reflecting could relate to some of you guys and gals out there.
So, I have thought about my 15 year evolution from ‘lost soul’ with no direction in life, to getting a college degree, living in the NYC area for 10 years, appearing 100+ times on daytime TV, meeting lots of cool celebs (worked for a few), pitching reality shows, sneaking into an ‘Emmy after-party at the Waldorf,’ being fired on a Saturday night at 1AM by a drunk (or high) boss via email (that’s a fun story), working for a few start ups (working for another now, in fact, and this one has some huge momentum – looking for a solid/exciting exit in a few years), and more – I feel I have definitely had some great things happen – even if they aren’t exactly what I had planned.
To contribute something to Makie’s readers, I asked myself what I have to offer or share with you that has value. I came up with: Perspective, Success and Time. I hope you like it.
Perspective
(As applied to the news you may read daily.)
There’s a lot going on right now, wouldn’t you say? An earthquake in the northeast recently, lots of flooding in the northeast as well. Tsunami’s and earthquakes elsewhere, hurricanes, and some like never before seen as witnessed from the tragic videos on the Japanese tsunami. I have something of comfort to offer here: PERSPECTIVE.
First, as a person who consumes a decent diet of news in the morning, and an avid reader and recipient of CNN’s twitter messages, as well as several other news organizations – it’s critical that everyone recognizes something: sensational (and overwhelmingly negative) news sells. And news is a business trying to make a profit. Having interned at Good Morning America, I have seen this first-hand while the decision-makers screen news stories and weigh the appeal to their audiences. A long time ago I had read that there was actually a newspaper in the Midwest with the only purpose of printing good news. They went out of business because they couldn’t sell enough papers.
Second, is that never before in the history of mankind has the entire world been under a global ‘digital’ eye. Meaning, all large weather events – in fact, all large events period (war, earthquakes, tsunami’s, violence, you name it) are easily captured by almost anyone. So, this doesn’t mean that this is the ‘first time’ there has been a massive tsunami, or any of the other incredible events you have seen happening – it’s been happening long before mankind was here, and it hasn’t ever stopped. It’s just that now we finally have the capability to find almost anything and share it instantaneously. Oh, and don’t forget that we have also started inhabiting a lot more territory and building without complete consideration for the history of that territory (i.e. flood-prone areas, hurricane targets, etc). So mother nature is just doing what she has always done, it’s mankind that has changed ‘the game’ in both building into these areas and in having a way to capture the results of these mistakes and share it with the world.
The takeaway? Be very aware as you consume information from news outlets that for every murder you hear about – there was likely someone who saved a life on that same day…a doctor, a lawyer in litigation for an innocent defendant. How about all of the people that probably were completing volunteer efforts within the same area of that murder? Soup kitchens, help in cleaning up after a fire or flood, youth programs. That’s not going to make the news, because it doesn’t sell. And these ‘good things’ are fairly ‘common’ unlike sensational news – so in fact, the ‘negative’ news is often the more rare events. What does that mean? We actually live in a pretty darn good world (being very general here, of course). Most people are ‘good people’ doing things that aren’t hurting one another, and most likely helping one another.
So the next time you hear someone say ‘this world is falling apart, just turn on the news’ – let them know that negative news sells much better than it’s counterpart. Staying updated is great, but there’s a much bigger picture out there than one would think if the news was realistically balanced between the positive and negative events.
Read the news, but keep perspective – it’s a much better planet that many people think. After all, you are probably reading this in an air-conditioned room, on a high-speed internet connection, in clean clothing, fully hydrated, with a full meal in your belly, a solid roof over your head (if not yours, someone else’s), no one shooting at you, and with the transportation means and financial means to visit some of your closest friends and family easily and quickly. Sounds like the status quo is all good news to me.
Success
Success in life isn’t something someone else determines for you. My favorite quote from a popular song in the 90′s is “The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.” Recognize that success isn’t a final destination and it is a goal or target that you set for yourself. You decide if you are ‘successful’ and you do it everyday. You know yourself better than anyone else, so you know what you are capable of and what you can do each day, week, month and year to achieve what it is that makes you feel successful. Perception is reality, if you perceive yourself to be successful through genuinely reaching your goals – then you are. Whether it’s being an incredible parent, provider, teacher, performer, volunteer, entrepreneur – you set these parameters and you make things happen. Don’t berate yourself, but don’t let yourself become complacent either; work toward your goals but recognize that you are successful just for the fact that you are pursuing those things with your best efforts.
An important note here, living in the NYC area I have seen all kinds of money and people. Many people equate money with success. I say it isn’t so. Why? Because there are many, many different kinds of ‘money.’ There is ‘old money’ whereby one inherits the financial situation. There is ‘lucky money’ whereby one was in the right place at the right time to receive a settlement or win something. Lucky money also includes some individuals that happened to make an effort in business and someone saw them at the right time/place/situation and they were able to ‘cash out’ sometime, through little effort. Then, there are the hard working ‘tough money’ makers. These are the actual people that not only worked hard, and were smart, but did so until they actually created the financial windfall through nothing but their own merits and efforts. So, if everyone with money had achieved this status through this final ‘type’ of effort, then maybe those that measure ‘success by financial success’ could look and say ‘they are successful.’
But I believe we all know success is much more than money. And some have found it in a small piece of land, in a quiet place, somewhere they can enjoy life. They know the secret of success.
Time
I could write for days on the subject of ‘time.’ And I don’t consider myself a skilled mathematical or scientific thinker (far from it). But I do try to read Steven Hawking’s “The Universe in a Nutshell” and get past page four without losing my mind. Time can be our worst enemy or best friend. Time management is something I read about frequently. In an age where ‘multi-tasking’ and computer distractions are the norm, one can waste countless hours getting distracted online, on your phone, or otherwise. Sometimes, it’s just to ‘fill time.’ Or even to avoid appearing ‘sedentary.’ How many times have you checked your cell phone for texts, Facebook updates, or something else just to feel busy? I’m guilty too. Though, I try to recognize when I do this and ‘drop the phone’ and look at the nearest person to speak with – that’s often led to a much more meaningful moment in my life than finding a new email, text, or Facebook message.
And now, I have a embarrassing confession to make. As part of the video game generation, I had a guilty pleasure of playing a specific game from time to time over the past few years. I used it as a justification to ‘clear my mind’ and ‘stop thinking’ after a tough workday/workout at the gym. Mental bubble gum. Then, one day, I noticed the game had some kind of feature that tells you just how long you have been playing it. At first, I was afraid. Then, I thought, well – it can’t be that bad, right? It was. I am embarrassed to share that I, the ‘self-proclaimed’ one (for those who know me) who is always ‘focused’ and trying to make the most of every opportunity and ‘looking ahead,’ was guilty of wasting an astonishing 8 days, 17 hours and 50 minutes playing Call of Duty. I nearly ate my controller when I read the screen. You see, I had put all of this time in at various ‘downtimes’ during my weekends or late weeknights in order to relax. But over two years, it added up. I asked myself, ‘What the hell am I doing?’ because when I think about what I wanted to accomplish in life – I don’t recall saying that I want to have ‘x’ amount of kills as a Call of Duty gamer. (Note: I had 24,000+ kills – do you care, save for the fact that it’s mind-numbing? That’s my point.) I will never get those 8 days back, but I won’t ever lose them again either.
After my realization, I decided to go ‘sell’ my game to the local game store – figuring it was at least worth a few bucks, right? Wrong. While at the game store, I proudly handed over (with a deep sigh of relief) my Call of Duty game. After some close examination the store clerk said, “Sorry, we can’t accept this – it has a small crack so we aren’t allowed to buy it from you.” Insert a flashing neon sign here that reads “DON’T BRING THIS GAME HOME, OR YOU WILL HAVE FAILED.” So I literally said, “It’s yours dude. Take it.” And that was that.
I am happy to report that, with my free time, I have already hyper-cleansed our refrigerator (I think it would pass NASA’s testing for a sterile environment), rearranged and re-evaluated everything in my office (again), and re-arranged the living room (on a weeknight). I am just warming up. As my wife could tell you, I have a strong habit of ‘organization’ before ‘production’ begins. It’s actually funny, because it grew out of my college years. I would intentionally delay my homework by finding reasons, and cleaning was always a natural fit. And eventually, I used the ‘cleaning time’ to develop my thoughts on my homework – thus, making my productive time on my homework even more focused. Now, it’s part of a ritual whereby I absolutely MUST be organized and everything must be clean, in order for me to function. I just make sure that when I sit down to ‘function’ I make the absolute most out of my time – especially since I have 8 days to make up for.
I hope my thoughts have added some helpful, and positive, ways to view things for you. I am not typing this from my yacht, but I feel extremely fortunate to have so many great things in life – and I hope you recognize the same for yourself. I will never forget one particular day, when I had received some really discouraging news about something I had worked very hard towards. I was driving down the street in a small town and I hung up my cell phone after hearing the bad news. I just kept thinking how horrible this was and how pointless everything seemed. Just as I was feeling so self-involved and depressed, I looked to the side of the road and saw a man waving to me with the biggest, warmest, most genuine smile on his face. The speed limit was only 25 mph and I was going a little slower, so I had time to wave back and smile. He had two metallic ‘crutches’ and his legs were bowed making it appear as though just the simple act of movement would be extremely painful for him. Yet, his smile and completely genuine nod/wave showed no signs of any self-pity. I said to myself, “How dare you feel sorry for yourself when you have every physical, mental and free means by which to enjoy love, life, and any pursuit you choose.” Since that day, I always return to that thought when needed. We can focus on what we have, or what we don’t have – and I say to you that one of those is going to raise you up when you need it most, and that’s the one you need to focus on when you need it most.
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A note from Makie: If you didn’t know, this Jason guy is my husband, also referred to as “hubster” in previous posts. I hope you enjoyed a bit of his brain. Perhaps we will get him to share his thoughts with us again.
Thank you, hubster. 
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JASON SMALL, a.k.a. Jason Alan Caine
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My name is Makenzie but my family & friends call me Makie for short (and I like it). I'm a songstress, actor, artist, designer, cowgirl and thrift-store fashionista. Just a small town, country girl from MN with a big city dream in NYC. I love BIG & BELIEVE!
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Hello Jason and Makie,
April had me read this because I too play my fair share of games(Call of Duty: Black Ops, World of Warcraft, etc.) and she thought I needed to read what Jason said here. While I do agree with him on some level but I have to keep it in PERSPECTIVE. First off I’d say everyone has there vices, time wasters, etc. but as long as it isn’t interfering with you living an otherwise productive life I don’t see it as a problem. Considering that the average person spends 7.5 days per year using the bathroom 8 days worth of playing time doesn’t sound as bad and it was probably much more fun. In your case that’s about 30 minutes a day over the course of one year. Is that really too much time to spend on mindless relaxation? You probably spend more time watching TV or movies than that on average. Are you gonna stop doing those things also? Because watching a movie is 1.5-3 hours of your life you will never get back. I guess my real question is where does it end? We all wanna be as productive as possible but all work and no play just plain sucks(I know because I worked as a manager in a restaurant working 12+ hours a day 5-6 days a week and it was the worst 2+ years of my life) so we all need to have some down time whether that’s reading a book, playing an instrument,watching TV/movies, or gaming. I for example could put down my gaming controller and play guitar instead but would that be any more productive way to spend my down time? who is to say but me since it is my life after all. I myself have spent more time playing guitar(with no real purpose than just to play/relax…I have no delusions of getting famous playing guitar) than have probably spent doing most anything else in my life. Am I gonna quit because it is a waste of time? No, just like I’ll probably always play games to some degree. So don’t be so hard on yourself just because you have a timer built into your vice. Besides what else are we gonna do when the girls are “crafting”? Do they make a timer for that?
Ha! That last line made me laugh Willie. And I must say, I get Jason to watch movies with me when we could otherwise be “productive” but I have my reasons. I think we all do. And if I may speak for April as well as myself, watching movies with you boys is much more fun than watching you play your games because we experience it together. Although who’s to say we couldn’t pick up a controller?! To each his (or her) own.
Hey Willie – well said! I turn back to my point that each person determines their own definition of ‘success’ and thus has their own built-in comfort levels to get what they need through being productive at times and relaxed at other times. On my end, I simply feel compelled to ‘move’ people through producing, acting or otherwise and upon reflecting I realize I can still do that outside of my crazy work schedule/days and it’s more important to me than the reward I get from relaxing with a video game for a mental break – but as I mentioned, each of us has our own personal measurements for this. We all work differently, and get what we need, when we need it! Hope that makes sense…and everyone is entitled to relax when and how it works for them. I am definitely not preaching – just sharing!
Hello from BE!
Thank you, Jason, for taking the time to share your thoughts and opinions with us via “MakieDoll.” I wish I had your “organization gene,” but am pretty sure it’s not part of my DNA. I did have a burst of energy yesterday and deodorized and vacuumed all the carpets and had what could be called the “end of the season” ironing session. Translation: the summer clothes may go into storage. Last night I had to cover all of the plants in my community garden plot, since the temps went down to 30 and there are still many tomatoes on the vines. Today is cool and clear and invigorating, although it feels like late October.
Anyway, thanks again for sharing,
Lill
Makie…My comment about movies(and even crafts) was just to make the point that we waste time doing lots of things throughout the year(that unlike games don’t have timers telling us how much time we do them)…and I would not like it if April picked up the controller because i think it is healthy that we have things are our own. We don’t need to do everything together to be a good couple. I believe it is good to have things you enjoy doing together(like watching a movie) but you also need things to do when you are apart(like playing guitar or gaming is for me and reading a book and crafting are for her). And in addition I rarely play games around her unless she is busy doing something else or i check in to see if its ok if I do something that doesn’t include her. I guess the main thing is as long as it isn’t interfering with your life/relationship there isn’t anything wrong with it.
Jason…first off I don’t think you are preaching in your posts more that you seem kinda hard on yourself for doing something that you enjoyed doing to some extent(COD is very much a love/hate relationship for me). And I do agree that we are all different in what we define success to be. Like I said above as long as it isn’t negatively affecting your life do it. Just remember all work and no play makes jason a dull boy.
So….when are we all gonna get together and waste time relaxing together?!?
there are plenty of people who waste a lot more time doing worse things, so don’t feel bad about it. Everyone deserves a guilty pleasure now and then. I like to play this game: http://www.artsology.com/sand_painting.php – yes, it’s a time-waster, but it’s something engaging that promotes creativity, which is a good thing.